A sh*tty surprise!! #NotGuilty!!

Why hello my friends!! Have you missed me!! 🤣

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything, I kinda crashed these last 2 weeks felt really quite low but I’m back on the up heading in the right direction I think 🤔 who knows with me I could have another breakdown by tomorrow 🤣 I did mention in my first post that I was a bit of a looney toon 🤪 haha!!

Hospital appointments

As per usual I’ve had appointments coming out my arse!! My last appointment was yesterday, with my surgeon.

As you all know I suffer from perianal disease and I have seatons (drains) in place around my back passage to prevent reoccurring abscesses forming.

The seatons are there so the abscesses can drain, unfortunately, I still get abscesses forming in and around the area and I have an abscess at the moment, its quite painful and the seaton doesn’t seem to be having any effect or helping so the surgeon has put me on antibiotics to hopefully treat the infection.


The surgeon said that when they had a look inside a few weeks ago my stritchers are quite bad, meaning quite a large part of my small intestines is stuck together hence why I can’t really eat and I get very bloated. I have a CT scan and another MRI booked waiting on the results then I’m being booked straight in for surgery another minor surgery. (balloon dilatation again!!) there also going to change my seaton as I had the same one in for about 8 years without it being changed. He also said he would deal with my abscess if the antibiotics aren’t effective!!


Well as per usual the surgeon likes to have a look at the car crash I have for an arse, which is fine I don’t mind him having a look but this time round, while I’m in the fetal position arse in the air and knees to my chest, he casually asks me to bare down as if I’m going to have a poo!! 💩


I felt my face burn up and go red with embarrassment as I said is that a good idea doctor I suggest you gown up 🤣

Luckily for him and me it didn’t get any more embarrassing then it already was.

I must admit that’s the first time I’ve been asked to bare down in front of a mans face CRINGE!!!!! 🙈

Anyway I’m sure your wondering about the title shitty surprise!! #NotGuilty so I’ll let you all know.

I spoke to my mum about what I’m about to tell you all and she didn’t think I should write about this because this story is so far out there you probably won’t believe it’s true and that it actually happened!!

I promise that everything I’m about to tell you is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!!!!

The injustice of a Tommy tank!!!

For all you none British readers a Tommy tank is slang for a w*nk ✊🤣

So here goes….

It was the month of May 2014 and I was 8months pregnant. I remember that day and especially that night extremely well (I don’t think I’ll ever forget it unfortunately) I had began nesting. Nesting is what most pregnant women do in the 3rd trimester of pregnancy. So I had spent most of the day cleaning and me and Steven went to B&Q for some bits and Steven was going to do all the DIY stuff the following morning.

I also brought a camera to document my pregnancy for memories etc… I was wearing a top that said I love my baby bump so me and Steven took a few pics (selfies) before going to sleep both of us blissfully unaware of what this night had in store for us and what was about to happen.

These pics were taken just before we went to sleep on that exact night 😳

I would say we went to sleep just after 10pm…well around 2am I opened my eyes and to my complete horror and surprise ‼️ 😳 there right in front of me was a naked man crouched over my face having a Tommy tank (w*ank)

That’s right guys a naked man was masturbating right in front of my face, well over my face actually. Thank the Lord I woke before he got the chance to finish off.


As you can imagine I had just awoken from a deep sleep I probably sensed something or someone was there.

It took me a few seconds to process what was actually happening. At first I thought it was Steven lol I thought to myself what the f*ck am I with a guy that has a bash over me while I’m asleep 🤣

Then as I started to wake a little more and I realised what was happening. I screamed and jumped back into steven, Steven then woke to see a naked man backing out of my bedroom door.

Well Steven let out this noise like a roar, we laugh now about the sound that he made 🤣🤣 anyway Steven chased him, the guy then through himself into my bathroom and barricaded himself in. We couldn’t get into the bathroom for love nor money and believe me Steven was trying.

I couldn’t find my phone and was panicking so I ranout of my flat and banged on my neighbours door and used her phone to call the police 👮 I told Steven to instead of trying to get into him, lock him in until the police arrived.

Well it took well over an hour for the police to turn up. Can you believe that!! And then to add insult to injury Steven had to give the naked man a pair of his shorts as apparently, they couldn’t take him in under arrest naked.


I then heard the naked man saying to the police 👮 I only live across the road. Well cause it all happened so fast I didn’t get to see his face properly and that’s probably because it wasn’t his face he had shoved in mine (dirty bastard) when I realised he was my neighbour I was in shock complete and utter shock!!

By the time the police came and got him out it was around 4am.

I remember calling my mum to let her know what happened. I remember saying to her ”well who’s still got it 8months pregnant” lol my brother shouted out only you could say something like that at such a serious time like this. I think humour is a coping mechanism for me.

Well to cut a long story short he was aloud to return home (I couldn’t believe I was going to have to bring a baby into this world with a monster living across the road and there was nothing I could do about it)

I had to Go to the hospital after this incident because of the shock my baby bump had dropped, the hospital confirmed everything seemed fine and I had my healthy beautiful Elsie in June on the 17th she came a little early but she was healthy and perfect!!!

I received a call from the courts on Elsie first birthday to say they had come to a verdict NOT GUILTY!!

Apparently he was sleep walking (sleep walking my arse)

Well as you can imagine I no longer felt safe in my home so I managed to get a move to a different borough closer to my mum and dad I moved from Mitcham in Surrey (south London) to folkestone in Kent. Been here 3 years now and it was the best decision I ever made!!

5mins from my house and mine and my elsie’s safe place!!

Unfortunately, after this traumatic event, my health got a lot worse and has continued to do so (Crohn’s is a stress-related illness) so if there are any solitiors or lawyers out there that want to help me get justice please do contact me!!

I told you this story is pretty out there and if anyone has any doubts (I can’t say I would blame you) I can always provide a crime ref number just as proof that this horric event really did take place

Anyway as always, until the next time.

My blessed and not so blessed life!!!

ps. Sorry this post is so so so late much love 😘

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