Surgery day today I’m actually writing this in the hospital waiting room. In my last blog I mentioned I was going to talk about being in a relationship with this illness, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do!! (hence the title:
No sex all shi*ty!!!
I received a few comments to say they really think I should discus this topic, a lot of these comments were from women that suffer with Crohn’s or similar illnesses so I’m not going to disappoint!! I suggest you don’t continue reading if your easily embarrassed!!
Firstly let me apologise my aim is to publish a blog every Monday and I think I’ve been on time once 😩 (that’s me all over tho but I don’t want to stop cause this blog is the only thing keeping me sane right now)
I’ve just been so busy we went to see the inlaws the weekend just gone. I had a really lovely weekend!! I also got to meet up with two of my oldest friends I’ve been friends with Shiloh and Rebecca for over 20years now so it was so lovely to catch up. However my good health and feel good streak is over 😩
By Sunday I was laid up on my mother in laws couch with a hot water bottle looking six months pregnant cause my stomach was so swollen. I think that was my bodies way of telling me that I’m taking the piss and I need to take it easy my problem is when I start feeling a little better I get a little too excited and start to run before I can walk, so back to resting it is for me!!
Let’s talk SEX!! 🙈
So let’s get to the nitty gritty!! here goes I can’t lie I’m feeling a little anxious about posting this, as I may be judged but hey this is my reality and what seems to be a lot of other people’s reality too!!
Ok the nitty gritty of sex and the challenges myself and a lot of other women face.
I’ve suffered with Crohns since I was about 14 and per anal disease since I was about 24.
I didn’t become sexually active until I was nearly 17 I had a serious boyfriend and had been with him a while, my first time I made him wear 2 condoms 🙈🤣 through fear of getting pregnant!! my mum would have killed me. It was never wait til your father comes home, it was you wait til your mother gets home! then we would really brick it 💩haha
I can only recall my dad shouting at me once and that was because I went missing at the fair with my mate Becca lol anyway I’m going off topic back to SEX!!
For the majority of my sexual life I’ve had a good run 🏃♀️if I’m having a bad flare up then I’m not interested in sex because its much too painful! but on a whole I had a good sex life.
Unfortunately the last few years I’ve struggled! I vomit and go to the toilet a lot (I should invest in Andrex toilet tissues) and when I need to go, I need to go and sometimes I don’t even realise I’ve gone 😭 which is the hardest part of this illness for me. I think I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again I can handle almost all aspects of this illness but shi*ting myself isn’t one of them I just can’t deal with it!!
Since I’ve begun messing myself, I’m finding that my mental health was and is suffering and since I sh*t on him (yes I shit on him 🙈) I’ve not really enjoyed sex since!! Sex has become more of a game for me, see how long and hard I clench so I don’t shit 🤣 don’t get me wrong it’s improved of late!!
Spontaneous sex what’s that?
Well spontaneous sex is completely off the table, as soon as I think it’s about to go down I jump up, run to the bathroom try and go to the toilet which normally isn’t a problem as I can sh*t on command (quite the talent haha) then I have a quick shower well as you can imagine the moods normally pasted by the time I’ve done all that.
I’m also limited to positions’ some positions no matter how hard I clench ain’t nothing is going to save me from shi*ting and intern sending me into depression and despair, even though Steven has reassured me he doesn’t care and his words exactly were ”we can just clean up and carry on” lol and I do believe him when he tells me he doesn’t care but it’s the impact it has on me mentally.
I would push Steven away cause I believed he deserves better, that he should be with someone who could better furfill his needs sexually.
I sometimes feel it would be easier to be on my own. I can honestly say if me and Steven dont work out I would stay single.
I totally understand why people with this illness choose to be on there own. I’ve spoken to many beautiful women young and old that have stayed single for years due to being embarrassed, a lot of our symptoms are embarrassing.
Plus when your ill you feel like a burden and just don’t want to put on other people. In the past when I had my illness under control I was able to hide it, I definitely can’t now. Hiding my illness definitely made me a lot worse.
A few years back me and Steven went our separate ways for a while and I wanted to have fun and act and be like a normal person (which I’m not) well that resulted in me upping all my meds holding my stomach cause I was too embarrassed when I was out. Then my body said that’s enough you piss take NO MORE (I think this definitely contributed to my current health hein sight is a wonderful thing)
I’m riddled with it, guilt I mean. I feel guilty all the time because I’m always shattered (fatigue is one of the most crippling side effects of having Crohns) my moods are all over the place due to medication, lack of sleep and depression.
I’m not as fun as I use to be I’m pretty boring now. I use to love to party now I can’t drink really as just kills my stomach and I can honestly say what really excites me these days is the prospect of an early night and a lay in. I’m just way too wild 😆
We sometimes forget its also hard on our partners it requires a lot of patience and understanding, its hard for us going through it obviously but I sometimes think it can be harder on them. I’m honestly up one minute and down the next I don’t know how he puts up with me.
ANAL sex is also a no, its a HELL NO actually I always say to Steven ”head for the pink NOT the stink” 🙈🤣
Right I’m heading into surgery now ill post this when I’m back home tonight in bed milking it for all its worth haha.
My mums collecting Elsie from school and keeping her for the evening so I’m looking forward to seeing my bubba tomorrow morning. My sister will be picking me up, so I’m going to take her and the boys MacDonald Drive through on the way home test out the surgery lol
Just want to say to all my fellow women and crohnies that are single cause they believe they won’t be accepted there is someone for everyone and everyone deserves to be loved ❤️
I’ll touch more about this all in my next blog. I’ve got so much I want to say and so many stories I want to share but I’m signing off for now!! Until the next time!!
My blessed and not so blessed life!!
PS. I have warned my mum and told her not to read it!!..but of course she will lol so mum if you are reading I’m sorry and I hope I haven’t embarrassed you but don’t say I didn’t warn ya 🤣