What goes up must come down 🎈😩 part 1

Hi guys me again!!

I should have posted this blog yesterday but I’ve had my little one off school for the Easter holidays and thought I can sort all of this when she goes back to school which was today 🎉💃😂!!! I mean don’t get me wrong I love my little one to no end but I can’t lie I nearly cracked open a bottle of champagne today (lucky I don’t really drink anymore)

Anyway back to my favourite topic SH*T!! Who knew talking sh*t could be so interesting I’ve had a few comments from readers stating just that, one comment said I can’t believe how much I enjoy reading about sh*t literally and its the reaction I want, I want people to see the humour of it all, don’t get me wrong its a serious subject but if you can make light of a bad situation and laugh about it that can only be a good thing??

Me straight after surgery I woke up feeling better!!

Well I had my day surgery (balloon dilatation) and so far so good 👍 I had to arrive at the hospital for 7.30am my partner had the day off to watch Elsie and my mum drove me to the hospital. My mum felt terrible because she couldn’t stay and wait with me, she has no reason to feel bad, before I had my little one I never went to the hospital appointments alone but I have a 4year old now that needs to be watched she’s the baby here not me!! I’ve had countless operations it wouldn’t be fair to expect my mum and dad to keep having time off work just for me I’m a big girl. The only thing I hate is people starting at me feeling sorry for me cause I’m the only one on my own!! I want to announce and explain why I’m alone then I realise its irrelevant.

Anyway back to the operation before the surgery my back passage had totally collapsed so there was a lot of pressure down there (I hadn’t realised it had bared down been that way so long) well I feel amazing down there my arse or shall we say arses look as normal, well as normal as 3 arses can look anyway. I can’t lie I’ve been whipping it out if front of my mum and Steven (how this man still fancies me ill never know) saying have a look at that for a DA (designer arse 🙈😂) I even made Steven have a proper look and feel I figured that he may as well get use to it now cause the way things are heading he will be changing my adult nappieps before long and I’m afraid by the following morning everything had gone back to normal down there so the operation hasn’t worked 😩 hence the title everything that goes up must come down. 3 years nearly in a constant Crohns and perianal flare, a fistula that I’ve had for about 10years that just won’t heal, oh yeah then I bite into a sweet that I knew I shouldn’t eat and BAM back tooth 🦷 cracks I just said to my mum that’s it now ain’t it!! I may as well get a full set of dentures and a packet of adult nappies I’m 32 this can’t be right??? 32 going on 80, and I seriously feel it not just physically but mentally too, I’m literally drained all of the time. So I spend most of my time alone, when your illness is crohnic it consumes your whole entire mind hence me writing this blog, its really helping me I haven’t got a clue how to do a blog for others too see technology really isn’t my thing but I’m trying to learn 📕

I really want to hammer 🔨 it out there that with chronic illness normally comes mental health (depression) I’ve been living with this illness since I was about 14years old ( Crohn’s disease ) and I never let it get me down ( I didn’t quite suffer as bad then as I do now) I continued to work even with a colostomy bag (but that’s another story) meet guys, thrive I had a lust for life don’t get me wrong I had my bad days like everyone but overall remained positive and was determined not to let this illness beat me to or my upbeat outlook on life. I’ve never felt sorry for myself especially with a bag (but then again I was raised by strong women 🙆) I saw it as it gave me back my quality of life. I had so many visitors come see me in hospital cards and flowers sent to my room they had to turn some away and I was completely overwhelmed by the love and support I received I couldn’t believe how lucky I was and how lucky I am to still be alive. I was able to enjoy life again and boy I enjoyed life,

Below some pics of me and my friends!!!

girls holidays, family holidays, great job amazing social life and I truly believed that id never let this illness effect my mind the way it had my body. Well fast forward 10years and I’ve realised depression has hit me, life has hit me, since becoming a mother GUILT has hit me, loneliness and feeling like a burden has hit me oh yeah along with moon face from these bloody steroids.

I’m sure there are some many others like me out there suffering when you have more bad days then good it can be so depleting, and suicide in people especially women with a chronic illness is considerably higher. I’ve never really been offered any help with the mental aspects of dealing with chronic illness I don’t think it’s massively recognised hence my reasoning for this blog AWARENESS. Hopefully we can highlight this as a massive issue.

Well I have so much to say but I don’t want to bore you any longer so signing off for now its late and I’m still wide awake (shocker) going to stick youtube on and listen to Michael Sealey sleep meditation I find that really helps me sleep. Steriods are a bastard when it comes to sleep. Anyway until the next time.

My blessed and not so blessed life!!!